There It Is Again
by BlairMonroe
Summary: Derek & Casey angst/romance
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Casey!" I hear from downstairs as I finish the 11th chapter of the book I've been captivated by for the last couple of days. "Yes, I'm coming!" I yell as I toss the book on my bedside table and head down the stairs. "Oh so her highness has decided to join us, not like we were waiting or anything." Derek says from the dinner table. "Shut up Derek, sorry everyone but I _had_ to finish that chapter." I say as I take my seat across from Derek. My mom and George just grin while Derek rolls his eyes. I'm not surprised, he hasn't read anything more in-depth than the cereal box in the last 10 years. "What were you reading? Can I read it?" Marti asks in her sweet 8 year old innocence. "Aww I'm sorry sweetie, you probably wouldn't like it, it's for older people." I answer. "Yeah it's called 'How to get boys to like me even though I'm a huge nerd'" Derek laughs from across the table. I can't help but be annoyed "Der-ek! You are the most annoying brother I could ev-" "_STEP _brother" he cuts me off correcting me, I don't have anything to say in retort. So we end up just looking at each other. And there it is again, that moment of I don't even know what, between the two of us. Whatever it is that can't be put into words. Weird moments that we share from time to time but never mention because what would we even say. This one probably only lasted about half a second before we were pulled out of it by George. "Oh come on that's not nice, you two should be thinking of each other as siblings by now." _Shit, _I think to myself, I hate when they say that. "Right" we both say, as awkwardly as humanly possible. We make eye contact for a split second before we focus on our plates. The rest of dinner is regular chit chat between the rest of the family; Edwin and Lizzie telling George and my mom about school, Marti making irrelevant comments here and there, and Derek and I in silence at our end of the table.

My mom, George, Edwin, Lizzie and Marti are all huddled on the couch watching whatever dumb sporting event that's on. I have my back to them and all I can hear is the crowd yelling and my own families' hoots and hollers every now and then. Derek and I are on clean up duty tonight. I don't know why they would put us on the same night and try and make us do something productive together when they know all we do is bicker. Tonight however, we are silent. We putter around the kitchen wrapping up leftovers and putting things away when we both end up at the sink. Without a word he starts washing and I start drying. "So how's Max?" he finally says with just a hint of bitterness. "Fine, were fine." I answer, and we wash and dry for a couple more seconds before I take my turn. "What about you? Any new girls come through the constant revolving door recently?" I try to keep the bitterness out of my voice but do about as well as Derek did. He flashes one of his rare genuine crooked smiles "Actually now that you mention it, no, no girls recently. By _my _choice of course, not theirs." I roll my eyes and then theres more silence. He reaches to put the last plate on the dry rack when our arms brush against each other. And for a moment everything is in slow motion and he's all I can focus on, the close proximity, the heat, just everything until he pulls away. He seems unfazed, as he should considering _were step siblings_, but me, I'm definitely fazed. It's happened a few times recently, any contact with Derek and I feel…alive. _God Casey you have to stop. _He turns around and leans against the counter as he dries his hands. I'm too lost in my thoughts; _what is this? It can't possibly be romantic, I hate him for god's sake and he hates me. So then why does he seem tense during our brief moments too? Ugh this whole thing is ridiculous, just stop Casey._ "What's up with you?" he asks. Apparently my face isn't as neutral as I thought it was. "Nothing, you just…you just got gross dish water on me." I say seeming believably annoyed. "Oh Case you're such a spaz." He says as he wiggles the dish rag in front of my face. I push him away and flash him a genuine smile of my own.

It's about 10:00 pm and Lizzie, Edwin and Marti have all gone to bed. George and my mom are still watching TV on the couch with Derek in his chair. I however am on the other end of the living room enthralled with chapter 12 of my book. Everything around me is blurry and distant when I read but suddenly I hear my mom talking about the commercial that's on. "George we should get tickets to that!" She says excitedly. It's a commercial for one of our local theatres, there doing Romeo and Juliette. George doesn't seem as into it as I'm sure my mom would like. She tries more convincing "come on, everyone is a sucker for _star crossed lovers_!" Without missing a beat, Derek and I's eyes snap to each other. My mom and George are too concerned with each other to notice. This is the first time we don't look away right away, we just keep each other's gaze, and for once he looks vulnerable. And there it is again, the tension behind all the banter. I still don't know what to make of it. Maybe it's just us wanting to have a better relationship in a sibling kind of way. _Stop lying to yourself._ Ugh I wish my inner self would shut up sometimes. "You know what, I think I'm ready for bed." I say closing my book and getting to my feet. Derek can't help himself "yeah you need all the beauty sleep you can get." Clearly the moment's over. I ignore him and say goodnight to mom and George before heading up the stairs.

I lay in bed trying to fall asleep but it's not working, I just can't relax tonight. _Think about happy things, think about being in love, think about Max, yes Max…and no one else. _


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I groan and roll over into my bed sheets that are kissed by the sun streaming in from the window. My eyes flick up and I can see it's exactly 7:00 am, no surprise there; my inner clock is always right, never needed an alarm. As I stumble towards the bathroom I can't help but look over at Derek's door which is closed I'm sure. School starts in an hour so he won't be up for 58 minutes. _Shocker _it's closed. That's not the only door closed, so is the bathroom's. _Ugh we need more than one on this floor._ Just as I'm about to knock and say some kind of sarcastic remark about having all the time in the world Derek opens the door and I almost run into his _shirtless body. _I'm thrown off by too many things to form a thought. _Why is he up so early? He's shirtless. I almost crashed into his shirtless body. Does he sleep shirtless all the time? For fuck sakes Casey stop thinking about his shirtless body. _"Jesus, walk much?" He says with just enough amusement in his voice to annoy me. But I'm still out of sorts. "I um, you'r- you're up early. I just- uh wait what did you ask?" I stumble over my words. "It's a little early to be drinking Case." He laughs. _Yes its sooo funny that my step brother's shirtless body can mess with my head so efficiently. Hilarious. _I laugh to hide my unease with my thoughts but I think he sees through it. His smile fades but he's still looking at me. I swear he seems thrown off by me too if I'm not mistaken. The only other person that ever looks at my lips is Max, before we kiss. "I need a towel" he says quietly. My back is almost touching the linen closet that he needs to get into. So he reaches in between my arm and my torso to turn the knob without looking away from me. "_He could have gone around me."_ I arm grazes my side, but in that moment I didn't just want it on my side, I wanted his hands all over me. _Jesus Christ Casey, this is bad. Pull yourself together. _"I um, I better shower." I say, moving out of the way. I'm in the bathroom before he can answer or react or do anything at all. I put my hands on the counter and look in the mirror. _What the fuck am I thinking? _

After about half an hour of showering and getting ready in my room I decide to head downstairs. I can hear that the whole family is awake so there's no risk of another uncomfortable _and invigorating_ run in with Derek. I'm halfway down the stairs when- _fuck. _Most days we all just grab whatever for breakfast and go on our merry way. But occasionally mom and George like to have a "proper family breakfast." With much more food, proper breakfast food. And of course, it's a sit down breakfast. _I've been eating frozen pop tarts and stale muffins on the drive to school for like 2 months now, and today is the day you people choose to have a feast. Unbelievable. _"Casey!" M_om is way too excited about breakfast. _"Morning mom, everyone else." I say, trying to sound just as enthused. I failed. "I'm not sure you know how beauty sleep works." Derek says from his seat as I make my plate. _Oh good, where back to that way of life. That's much better than the door knob incident…well actually- no! don't even finish that thought._ "Oh really cause I'm not sure you know how a razor works." I say, referring to the tiny pieces of tissue on his neck where he cut himself. He let out a laugh and made a face implying he was impressed by my comeback.

Breakfast is full of normal chatter from the family. But it just serves as blurry background noise to my thoughts. I can't help but go over this morning in my mind, dissecting it. Then something occurs to me. _Why did he choose the most intimate way possible to open the closet? Usually he would have literally pushed me aside with some arrogant remark. But he chose to do it in the most sexual way anyone has ever open a door. Why? Why the staring? Was he trying to fuck with me? Play on my emotions?... Turn me on? Well fuck._ I look up and he's looking at me. My stomach jumps into my throat as I pray to God that Derek doesn't have some kind of mind reading ability that I'm not aware of. He smirks and looks back to his plate. God I hate him. Him and his stupid smirking, and sarcasm, and arrogance, and- _and brown eyes and sexy messy hair and toned body and touch that makes me feel more alive than Max could ever hope to. _Wow I really need to find a way to keep my inner self at bay. Cause she is pretty freakin obnoxious. I hate not being in control of this situation. I don't even know what this situation is, but whatever it is Derek seems to be in the driver's seat. Even if this is two sided, he's the one always throwing me off balance. _That's about to change. _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

School is usually where I feel most exuberant and energetic. I put so much into school because unlike some people (Derek) I care about what my future holds; I want to be successful in life. I've never missed a due date, in fact I've never not handed something in before its due date. I've always gotten A's and never anything less. But today school doesn't hold its usual flare. I'm tired and if I'm honest I don't really want to be here. Perhaps it's because my mind is elsewhere. At least my determination is directed at other things and not gone all together. _Other things meaning giving my step brother a taste of his own sexual and very fucked up medicine._ As that thought crosses my mind I finally have a moment of rationalization; what _am _I doing? This _is _fucked up. My mission today was to get my _step brother_ all hot and bothered like he did with me this morning. He could have honestly just needed a towel. Again I have a moment of paranoia as I hope no one in this crowded hallway can read minds. They would have me committed.

"Oh hey ugly!" Derek says as he leans against the wall next to my open locker. And I'm pulled out of my own thoughts.

"Really? Ugly? That's all you can come up with? I must say I expected a more creative insult." I say.

He stands up from the wall and walks behind me while I finish getting my books. "Well sometimes I find its better to go with the simple but effective approach… did I mention true." He says with clear amusement in his voice. "All the guys at school agree with me too. We all get together for meetings and just talk about all the things that are wrong with your looks and personality."

I slam my locker and turn around. "Der-!" He's smiling. A big genuine one too. I stare at him with my mouth open like I'm about to finish yelling but I let out a laugh. "Just shut up" I say failing miserably at keeping a smile off my face. I like these moments. When we acknowledge that we don't actually _mean_ all the things we saying in the banter. We don't say it out loud, but the genuine laughter clarifies it. _And he SO did not just need a towel this morning. The mission is back on I don't care how stupid inappropriate risky selfish or wrong it is. _

"Whoa are you two smiling in the same room?" Max says as he joins us and puts his arm around me. _Oh yeah, Max. Almost forgot about you. _

"Hey" I say putting my arm around his waist, my eyes flick up to Derek. His genuine smile from before now gone. Not surprising. Those are hard to come by.

"Max!" Derek says slapping him on the shoulder. He sounds a little too happy. He's about to get sarcastic I know it. "You two are just SO perfect together." _Yup here we go._ "I mean look at you, you look great together. And clearly there are sparks between you I mean wow, you two must get really passionate."

"Um, thanks man." Max says, understandably confused by Derek's inappropriate insight.

Derek looks at me and smirks. I know he's implying that there are no sparks between us. That everything Max and I will ever be will always be lukewarm. _He's right. _

"Max do you have time after school to talk?" I ask looking up at him.

"Yeah, everything alright babe?" he asks.

_No. _"Yes. I'll talk to you later." I say with a smile.

"Alright, well I just wanted to say hi." He kisses my forehead and leaves. I always hated that. What am I? your four year old grandchild? The forehead is not a sexy place.

I look back to Derek. "What are you smirking about now?" I ask as we start walking down the hall.

"I know what you're gonna talk about later with Max." he says, far too proud of himself. "I knew that would be coming soon. There's no way you feel anything with him. Fuck he's more boring than you!"

"Thanks for the backwards compliment. Since when do you care what goes on between me and my boyfriend?" I look up at him as I stop and lean against the wall beside my next class. He stands in front of me, close enough that I can smell his leather jacket.

"I don't care. I just think I know you better than you think I do."

"In what way?" I ask genuinely curious.

"I know what makes you happy, what puts you in a bad mood, what buttons to push at what time…what _excites you."_ He says the last part in a different tone, and I know what he means. I can't think of a thing to say so we hold each other's gaze. And there it is again. We slip back into our little world we've created, it's just us two and no one else is welcome. I like it here; I can see something different in his eyes. They're softer and kinder in these moments. It's like we're transmitting a million thoughts between one another without any words.

I remember the plans I had for today. Take control of this. Make _him _feel something. As if on cue, the bell rings. I slowly stand up straight from the wall closing the distance between our torsos. As I suspected he doesn't move despite my shifting so now our faces our closer than they've ever been. He smells good. I never thought of him as someone that would smell _good._ But he does, he smells musky like the woods. _Focus Casey._

I grin just the slightest bit and look deeper into his eyes. "I have class" I say in almost a whisper, not losing his gaze. "I'll see you later" I say shifting myself away from him towards the classroom. Just before I round the corner I look back and see a familiar look on his face. The same look I'm sure I had this morning. Shock, unease, excitement, _arousal._ Hah, that's what you get Venturi.

Authors note:

I would love feedback! :) I really don't know if anyone is liking this haha. Anything at all is appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Derek beat me home I see as I pull in the driveway after school. I notice there's a car parked on the street outside our house but I don't recognize it.

"Hey whose car is tha-" I start as I open the door. "Dad! Oh my god you're here!" I see my father and his girlfriend Justine sitting on the couch. It's a weird relationship this family has. My mom and George are _friends_ with my dad, my mom's first husband. Although, he only visits like twice a year so I guess stranger things have happened. I throw my arms around him. As he says something about how beautiful I am.

"You sure that prescription is strong enough guy?" I hear Derek behind us. "You might want to book yourself an eye doctor's appointment."

I let go of my dad and give Derek a half amused half death stare look. "Ignore him. He's an escapee from the local asylum and we took him in. Anyways how are you?"

My dad and Justine are very well off in life. His company is doing very well in Vancouver. We spend the next twenty minutes catching up before I ask where the kids are, Derek is the only one I've seen.

"Oh they're at Colleen's for the night" my mom says. "Your dad and Justine have a surprise for us." She says smiling.

"What is it?" Derek and I ask in unison.

"I'm taking the adults of the family for a weekend getaway!" my dad says beaming.

"Who exactly do you mean when you say adults?" Derek asks, mirroring my thoughts.

"Yes, you two are included. You're all grown up now and I thought it would be nice for all of us to get away" My dad says.

"Wait why is this adults only? I'm sure the kids would want to come. Lizzie especially, she's your daughter too." I say, a bit annoyed. I know my sister, and my dad not being a constant in our life is hard on her too.

"We asked them." My mom says before my dad can answer. "But none of them liked the idea of a relaxing weekend filled with tea and golfing. They'd rather go to the water park with Colleen and her kids."

_So would I actually. _My mom and Justine will spend most of the time gossiping and laughing about their significant others while sunbathing. And I'm sure George and dad will spend about 46 out of the 48 hours golfing. And who does that leave. Ah yes, Derek and I. To either: fight, OR have more time in our new little world…with two sets of parents within earshot at all times. Either way I'm not excited.

"Casey, what do you think? Don't you want to thank your dad and Justine?" My mom interrupts my thoughts.

"Oh yeah. It should be fun thanks guys!" _Wow I actually sounded believably excited there. _

As I throw some of my things into a small suitcase my phone buzzes on my bed. Max. _Dammit I forgot I was going to break up with you today. Should I answer or shouldn't I answer? Should I answer or shouldn't I answer? _

I hit the accept button. "Hello."

"Hey Case! Do you still wanna get together to talk?" he asks.

"I'm sorry I forgot about that. My dad showed up and he's taking us to this fancy hotel thing this weekend."

"Oh well that sounds exciting! I have to admit I'm kinda bummed though, I was looking forward to spending time with you this weekend." He says with very obvious disappointment in his voice.

"Uhm ya sorry that would have been- yeah um.. sorry." I'm just not a good actress today.

"Casey… is everything ok? You know, with us? What did you want to talk about?" He asks.

I can't think of a thing to say. But I think my hesitation gave him his answer. Again, I can't act to save my life today. "Listen, Max I didn't want to do this on the phone." Is all I can get out.

"Are you serious Casey?" _Shit he's mad. _"Just like that? Wow. You know I treated you like a princess but I guess it wasn't good enough." He hangs up the phone. Wow is right. I mean I know I just dumped him on the phone but who knew Max was one to switch to anger so easily. I should be upset or sad or angry or something, anything. But I'm not. Max was clearly not my forever guy if I don't even feel a hint of sadness when we break up.

I hear a knock at my door as a grab some clothes out of my closet. My stomach jumps a bit at the thought that it might be Derek. "Come in." I say trying to sound neutral. My dad comes in and sits on my bed as I walk around my room collecting things I need.

"Casey will you come and sit for a minute? I have some things to talk to you about."

_Oh god that sounds…unsettling._ "Um sure, yeah." I say as I sit beside him.

"Listen, this might sound crazy, and it is so I don't want you to give me an answer right away." _Oh god. He knows about Derek and I. Whatever Derek and I are. Whatever's going on, he knows. Maybe he saw a look between us or something. Maybe his parental instincts are stronger than I thought, stronger than Nora's. Mayb- _"Come to Vancouver with Justine and I." He says interrupting and suppressing my paranoia as I notice Derek's name wasn't mentioned.

"Oh. Like for a visit or something?" I ask trying to hide my relief.

"No, I want you to move in with me." He says, trying to read my face.

"Oh. Wow. Um that's- I mean that's, that's very nice of you but my life is here. My school my friends, mom, lizzie…everyone. You're right it's pretty crazy." I say.

"I know it is. But please just think about it. I hate not seeing you all the time. I know you like travel and adventure and the universities in Vancouver are great. That's the main reason I'm asking. You'll be going to university next year and Vancouver is a great place to do it." He's clearly thought about this a lot.

"Yeah, I'll think about it." I say with a smile.

On the two hour drive to our hotel I decide it's a perfect time to do homework. Derek of course gets his comments in about that. But I also use this time to think about my father's offer. At the time I had written it off and told him I would think about it, just to make him happy. But maybe it's not so crazy. I just broke up with my boyfriend. Emily and I are drifting apart and I don't know why. And who the hell knows what's going on with Derek. Maybe moving away is the answer. Derek and I…it's not right. This isn't right. Our parents are in love. It's selfish of me to think of him in any other way than step brother. It's wrong. Derek shifts a bit next to me and now our arms are touching. It's like my arm is on fire, in a good way. It's like the rest of my body is numb and all I can feel is him. _Does this feel wrong? No. How can I tell myself it's not right when it feels this way. _I just stare at him as he shuffles through his iPod. I know he knows I'm looking at him but I don't really care. Finally he turns his head towards me and I don't look away. No smart remark, no insult, not even a smirk. Just his eyes and mine. This is wrong of us.

We get to the front desk at the hotel to check in. My dad does most of the talking with the woman. Finally she concludes with "Ok, so that will be two rooms with king sized beds and one room with two queens." She says with a smile.

"Wait wait wait. Derek and I are sharing a room?" I ask as if insulted.

"Yes and try not to kill one another." George says grabbing some of the luggage as we all head towards the elevator. At least they got a room with two beds instead of one. _Although maybe that would be better, if things go any further with Derek they would have only themselves to blame for throwing two non-blood related hormonal teenagers in bed together. _

We don't really have much time for anything tonight seeing as how we got here late. We only had time for dinner at the restaurant across the street and now everyone is in their designated rooms. Derek's in the shower and I'm doing homework and watching TV on my bed. I can see the steam coming out from under the bathroom door and can't help but think about Derek in there…naked. _This is exactly why I need to consider moving. _I put my books in the bedside table and get under the covers. This hasn't exactly been the easiest day. In fact, it's been mentally draining. Derek comes out of the bathroom wearing his pajama pants…and no shirt. _Has he always been shirtless so often?_ Before I know it he plops down beside me in MY bed and grabs the remote.

"Umm what do you think you're doing?" I ask sounding very annoyed.

"Watching TV." He says like its common sense.

"No what are you doing in my bed!"

"Oh I'd like to keep mine wrinkle free and cool until I'm ready to go to sleep." He says with a smile. "So I'll just use yours for now."

It's not even worth the argument. I know he won't move and I'm too tired to fight about it. _And I'm not hating being this close to him._ I lay down on my side facing his side of the bed. He gets under the covers and looks down at me waiting for some kind of angry refusal or something but I stay stone faced. He sinks down to his side too, facing me so now we're at eye level. _Here we go. One way ticket to Derek and Casey land I can feel it. _

"What's been up with you tonight. Your mind is…elsewhere." He asks with no sarcasm or arrogance, he's genuinely curious.

I have a quick debate with myself if I should tell him. But laying here with him looking at me like he is, I feel, safe. I know we're in the middle of one of our 'real' moments.

"I had a talk with my dad today." I say as my eyes take note of all his features. I've never been this close to him for so long. He has hints of green in his eyes and a freckle on his cheek. His hair is still wet from the shower and he's still looking at me.

"And?" He asks quietly. I almost think he has the same concern that I did when my dad said he had something to talk to me about. _No Derek, he doesn't know we've been eye fucking each other for weeks now._

I pause because I don't really know how to word it. "He wants me to move to Vancouver." _Simple but effective. _

"He what?" Derek says letting out somewhat of a laugh because he thinks it's just as crazy as I did at first. "Well that's crazy. You can't just pick up and move to Vancouver. What did you tell him?"

"I said I'd think about it."

"But you're not right?" he asks, as if there's no other answer.

I don't say anything. Just look at him, almost apologetically, still bewildered that we're in bed together with our faces just inches apart.

"…Casey? Are you kidding? Why would you want to move to Vancouver? Is it Max or school or something?"

"It's kinda everything lately." I say quietly looking down, breaking our stare for the first time.

He whispers "Is it because…." and trails off looking at my lips again. I inhale sharply. Not only are we _still_ only inches apart, but now he's looking at my lips and pretty much putting into words everything that's been happening. Our eyes meet again and we both know exactly what he means. He means _Is it because we're step brother and sister yet we have this chemistry that won't go away and our parents are in love but still we have inappropriate thoughts about each other and so on and so forth. Fuck. _

He opens his mouth a bit to say something else but I put my finger up to his lips.

"Don't. Don't even put the words out there because you can't take them back. And everything will change and I'm just not ready for this conversation. Not tonight."

He just stares at me and after a minute he nods.

"Goodnight Derek." I say, barely loud enough to hear.

I close my eyes and hear only silence for a couple seconds until he finally speaks. "Goodnight Casey."

Authors note:

Thanks so much to everyone that's leaving feedback I really appreciate it! Hope you all like this chapter :)


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I awaken at what I assume to be 7:00 am, even on Saturday's my internal clock doesn't take a break. The sun is up but not all the way, it's still fairly dark in our room. It takes me a second to come out of my groggy haze and realize that Derek in still next to me. _Oh my God we slept in the same bed all night. _We both lay on our sides facing each other as we had last night. Our faces even closer now. I'm a little scared too move for fear of waking him. But the more I look at him the more I don't want to move. His hair is curlier than usual due to his shower hours before. His dark eyelashes resting on his cheeks, his lips slightly parted as he breathes. He's beautiful. I've never seen him like this, peaceful, vulnerable. In fact I don't think I've even seen him asleep. I take advantage of my waking up before him to take everything in. I never get to look at him this long without him noticing.

I know in maybe minutes, maybe hours, he'll be awake. And we'll go back to arguing and "hating" each other. All the more reason to keep staring. It's like I can feel my feelings for him intensifying as I lay here memorizing his face. _Damn Venturi. What are we doing. _I ignore that thought as I slowly reach my hand up to his face. I very lightly run my fingers over his cheek and finally down to his lips. It like a million butterflies just took flight in my stomach all at once. I can hear rational Casey in the back of my mind telling me to stop and it makes me uncomfortable. I push my long brown highlighted hair over my shoulder and shift my legs just a bit under the covers. Apparently it was enough to wake him because his eyes slowly start to open. He breathes in deeply as he slightly stretches his legs. Finally his eyes meet mine and he readjusts his head on the pillow to see me better.

"Hi" I whisper.

"Hi yourself" he says, just as quietly. I try to ignore how sexy his morning voice is. 

Neither of us says anything. We just sleepily lay next to each other, sometimes closing our eyes, sometimes looking over each other's faces, and sometimes our eyes meet. It's more peaceful than I would have expected. The silence isn't uncomfortable, it's nice. In fact I could do this all day.

"Don't move to Vancouver." He says quietly, putting a hold on my peaceful morning. It shocks me a little how he didn't beat around the bush, I guess there's no time for pleasantries today. He continues before I can even think of a response.

"This doesn't have to be a dramatic display. We don't have to spend the next couple days avoiding the conversation until I tell you how I feel about this at the last minute as you walk out the door with your suitcase. This is me, asking you now, to stay."

Wow. I'm a little shocked at his maturity and directness. He's not usually one to verbalize his feelings. Although I guess this is part of the real Derek I'm slowly getting to know, I like this Derek. The Derek that at the moment is tucking a piece of hair behind my ear as I think of a response. He takes a breath to talk again.

"I just-"

"Ok." I say, cutting him off. "Ok…I'll stay."

This has won me another genuine smile. I don't think it was ever _really_ a question if I was going to move. And if it was it got answered by the butterflies in my stomach this morning. Before we have any time at all to revel in our blissful moment there's a knock at the door and we hear George calling our names. _Shit we're in the same bed. _If I wasn't worried already I hear him slip a key card into our door and turn the handle. _Why was I not told they had keys!?_ Before I can even react Derek has jumped into his own bed for the first time since we arrived.

"Oh good, you're both up." He says, as we sit up in our separate beds like we've been here all night. I notice Derek's is less wrinkly than mine for obvious reasons. It panics me a little but I doubt George is as observant and neurotic as me to notice.

"We're all going down to the garden outside for breakfast in 15 minutes if you're coming."

"Ok!" "Be down soon!" We answer as he leaves the room. _George would have had the shock of his life if he walked in twenty minutes earlier before we woke up. Close call. _

This hotel really is beautiful. The outdoor area includes a swimming area that I've only seen examples of in pretty pictures on the internet. The garden area surrounds it and it feels very jungle-esque, with palm trees and flowers everywhere. There's a stone walkway around the outdoor buffet. For the first time I'm appreciating this weekend that my dad put together.

We take our seats at a table under a large umbrella. During breakfast the parents mostly talk about how nice the rooms are. My mom makes a comment about how comfortable the beds are and I choke on my juice. Thankfully none one else noticed except Derek who is failing at hiding his chuckle. Derek and I don't say much, occasionally contributing to our parents conversations.

"Are you two alright?" my mom asks. I'm grateful for the amused expression on her face; at least it's not suspicion.

"Ya there hasn't been any yelling or flying objects yet." George contributes. _Well there certainly would be if we told YOU what's been going on. _

"Just tired." Derek says. "Big mouth over here kept me up all night with her snoring."

"I do not snore Derek!" I yell throwing a pack of butter at him.

"And balance is restored." My dad says.

Everyone laughs and Derek and I hold eye contact for a bit longer before we get back to breakfast.

The day is pretty much what I expected it would be. Dad and George are golfing and my mom and Justine are on loungers beside the pool. I'm sitting at the other side of the pool with just my legs in the water reading my book, Derek nowhere to be found. A thought runs through my mind that he might be hitting on some pretty bar maid wearing a coconut bra. I try to push the thought away as a pang of jealousy runs through me.

"How mad would you be if I pushed you in right now?" Derek asks taking a seat next to me and putting his feet in too.

"Don't you dare." I smile.

"Though about it."

He scoots a bit and now our thighs are touching. I feel the familiar fire I always feel when he touches me. Even though the feeling is familiar it doesn't make it any less exhilarating. I have to remind myself that we are not in the privacy of our hotel room, mom and Justine are in eye distance so I can't react the way my insides are.

"You haven't changed your mind have you?" He looks at me and I almost don't hear the question because I notice the green in his eyes really comes out in the sun.

"Um…Changed my mind about what?" I'm a little scared he's going the start the conversation I didn't let him finish last night.

"About Vancouver…I didn't dream that right? You said you're not going."

I smile and look down "No Derek, I'm not moving to Vancouver." I look back up at him and he looks relieved.

"Good…that's good." He says as he looks at me like I expect I've been looking at him recently. His eyes are softer again. "Cause y'know, who would I have to make me miserable if you left?" he smiles. _Nice to know the old Derek I know and love is still in there. _

For the rest of the day we visit with my mom and Justine a bit, go swimming, eat more food, and explore the resort. All the while play fighting like we used to, but now we do it through laughter. I like it better this way. In a word, today was…pleasant.

I finish blow drying my hair and getting ready for dinner alone in the hotel room. Derek has joined my dad and George to do, I don't know, man stuff. I put on some blusher and a smile forms on my face as I think about today. It was nice. _It could always be that way if you just told him how you feel._ Shut up. Not ready to do that. Only now do I notice how much I talk to myself. Maybe Derek's right I am crazy, I laugh.

I hear someone put a key card in the door and my stomach jumps a bit.

"Hey" Derek says as he walks by the bathroom.

"Hey"

"I'm changing out here, just FYI." He yells. _Tempting. _

He comes in the bathroom and I notice how nice he looks. Just a black T shirt and jeans but it looks fancy enough for dinner.

"You look nice." He says. I blush a bit before I answer.

"Wow a compliment from Derek Venturi, remind me to add that to the history books." I say with a smile. He lets out a small laugh. I can tell something is on his mind but I'm scared to ask because I still don't know where we are. We're being nicer to each other sure, we even slept in the same bed and shared intimate moments with each other, but I'm still uneasy about everything.

"Listen, Case..." he starts, looking down. Oh god. I know what this is about. I turn and face him and lean back on the sink.

"We need to talk about it." He says. "I know you don't want to but what are we supposed to do? Ignore it? We can't just have a day like today and not talk about it."

"Derek" I say as I move past him and out of the bathroom. I put my fingers to my temples and sit on the long ottoman at the end of my bed. He follows me out and stands in front of me.

"Casey, I have feelings for you." Oh my god. He said it. Just threw it out there. I don't look up, just stare at the carpet overwhelmed by his confession. I wasn't expecting such a heavy conversation after such a light hearted day. And I start to feel angry with him for springing this conversation on me.

"I told you last night I didn't want to get into this." I say not looking up from the floor.

"Yeah but that was last night, this is today. Very different."

"Hilarious." I say as I stand up and pace, still not looking at him.

"Derek, our parents are- they're- I mean you're my-" I can't seem to form a sentence.

He walks over to me. "I know" he says, grabbing my hands, as if I wasn't thrown off enough. "I know."

I just look at our intertwined hands not knowing what to say. He starts again "Casey our parents would get over it eventually. We're not related."

Through his trying to rationalize the situation I start to argue with him about not wanting to talk about it, until we both end up just talking over each other.

"It's not worth it!" I say louder. Ending the argument, leaving us silent, just inches apart. He lets go of my hands and steps back. "If that's how you feel."

I don't have anything left in me to say. Maybe if I knew this conversation was coming it would have gone smoother. He should know I need things planned out by now. I'm not spontaneous and springing things on me is not the way to go. I end up turning around and walking out the door.

Dinner is uncomfortable. We're sitting next to each other but have yet to make eye contact. I know he's hurt by what I said. The parents don't seem to notice, they're having too much fun on their weekend getaway. I don't eat much. Just move the food around on my plate, lost in thought.

"Are you two gonna come with us to the show after dinner?" Justine asks. A show is the last thing I want. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. But that's a bit dramatic so I'll settle for going to sleep.

"I'm actually not feeling very well." I say standing up from the table. "I'm just going to head back now actually."

"Aww honey I'm sorry" my mom says as I lean down to kiss her goodbye on the cheek.

"No worries, goodnight everyone!" I say, walking away. _So much for my blissful morning and pleasant day. _

I lay in bed feeling nothing but guilt. Derek must have gone to the show with them because he's not back yet. I've never actually hurt his feelings that I know of. It's a terrible feeling. Of course I didn't mean what I said. Of _course _it's worth it. He's worth it. We're worth it. I just reacted badly to the situation sprung on me. All I want now is to tell him I'm sorry. I want him to lie in bed with me like he did last night. I want to be close to him again. I want him to forgive me. I've never needed forgiveness from him before, it's usually the other way around. I can't blame him for wanting to talk about things. I can't look at him like I do and act the way I've been acting and expect him not to have questions. It was selfish of me to put off the conversation for so long. Despite my mind racing I manage to fall asleep.

My eyes flick open from a terrible dream, only to see that its 3:02 am. I look over to find Derek in his own bed, which saddens me a little. I pull off my covers and sit in the edge of my bed closest to his and watch him. I just want to wake him up and tell him everything. But I don't. Instead I walk as quietly as I can to the bathroom.

I was as quiet as I could be but when I opened the door again I see that he's awake. I shut the door behind me and stand in front of it not moving. It's dark in here, the only light coming from the night sky through the window, but I can still see him. He sits up on his elbows looking at me.

"Casey" he whispers.

"I'm sorry" I breathe before he can say anything else. I don't know what comes over me but I find myself quickly walking over to him. I quickly crawl from the end of his bed right on top of him. I Bury my face into his neck and shoulder, with my legs on either side of him. I'm sure this took him by surprise because I'm even surprised at myself.

"I'm sorry I'm so sorry." I say into his neck. _Please just forgive me. _I feel his arms tighten around my waist. It's the most wonderful feeling I've ever felt. He's warm and strong, and he forgives me.

"I didn't mean it." I say as I bring my arms around his neck as best I can. "Any of it. I'm sorry"

"It's ok. Of course its ok." He whispers.

He pulls the comforter on top of us that is folded at the end of the bed. I get comfortable but before I do I remember our interruption from George this morning. My eyes flick up to the door and notice that Derek has locked the dead bolt this time. I smile and relax as I drift off in his arms.

Authors note:

So this was a long chapter. I thought about breaking it up but I didn't want to because.. well just because lol anyways I hope you liked it! it would make my day if you left a comment letting me know how you feel. I loooove reading those. Anyways thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Before I even open my eyes I can tell the room is brighter than it was yesterday morning; it must be later than 7 am. _Odd, my internal clock is never off._ Last night's events come back into my mind, my apology to Derek and sudden courage to crawl on top of him. I don't regret it but I'm slightly relieved that I don't feel him near me now. A burst of bravery in the moment is one thing, but waking up on top of him would be too overwhelming. I finally open my eyes and look for him. I blink a few times to clear my eyes, but still no sight of him. As I look around the room I hear stirring in the bathroom. He opens the door and closes it quietly behind him; he must assume I'm still asleep. He turns and sees me sitting up on my elbows, he stands still in front of the bathroom door as I did last night.

"Hi" he says.

"Hi yourself."

I look down at the duvet because I don't really know how to act around him. Sensing my unease he slowly walks towards the bed. _Oh god, please don't climb in the bed and expect more activities like last night. _To my surprise he gets down on his knees on the floor beside the bed so we're at eye level. He rests his hands beside me on the bed and I can sense another one of our deep conversations coming.

"I'm sorry I sprung that conversation on you last night." He looks up at me like he's scared of my reaction.

"Oh, um, it's alright… I'm the one that needed to apologize, I reacted horribly."

"You _may _have over reacted." He says trying his hardest to hide a smirk. "But still, you were right about a lot of things. Whatever this-" he points between him and I "- is, it's not something to be taken lightly. If it goes any further it will hurt a lot of people."

With each passing day I find myself more and more impressed by his maturity I didn't know he had.

"I told you how I felt about you, but I don't want you to feel the need to have any more conversations like last night unless you want to. We'll move as slowly as you want, and talk whenever you're ready."

I can't believe how well he's handling this. Better than I am in fact. _Since when is he the adult. _I'm kind of speechless, and definitely relieved by his words.

"Wow, Derek that's…thank you." I smile at him.

He smiles and stands up "It's raining."

"Um…ok?" I say, wondering why that was his response. He walks over to the end of the bed and looks out the window.

"It's raining." He repeats.

"Still not getting it."

He laughs "It's _raining,_ there won't be any family activities to do today if it's raining. I already told George and Nora that we'd be doing homework and watching TV in here all day. Well, _you'd_ be doing homework and _I'd_ be watching TV."

"Ohh" I start to see what he means. _He means we have a whole day in a hotel room alone. The possibilities are endless. _My thoughts are interrupted when I see him staring at me.

"But…given our most recent conversation I think it's only chivalrous of me to give you your space." He says as we walks over to the other bed and plops himself down with his hands behind his head. He looks over at me and grins. I know he's toying with my emotions and tempting me. Unfortunately it worked.

"I mean… I guess it wouldn't be horribly inappropriate if you sat over here with me." I try to hold back giggles.

Before I even finished the sentence he was hoping in bed beside me.

"I _do_ have to do homework though." I say apologetically.

"That's fine. I told you, no conversations or shenanigans until you're ready."

His wording makes me blush. I get out of bed and grab some things to get ready in the bathroom. For the rest of the day we hardly speak. We actually stay true to our word to George and Nora about what we would be doing. I lie on my stomach on the bed and do my homework and Derek sits beside me and _watches_ me do my homework. I look up from time to time to find him looking at me, which makes me blush, and makes him smirk.

Finally we're getting in the car to go home. I'm a little sad to leave this place even though we've only been here for two days. But Derek and I went through a lot together in those two days. Our relationship went from zero to a thousand here. I can't help but wonder how it will be when we get back to our old territory. We were able to dive into things here because we had the comfort of our private hotel room. I'm worried things might get more awkward when we go back to our very brother/sister living environment. I put my headphones in and drift off to sleep with the warmth of Derek's arm touching mine.

It's been three days since we got home from our getaway. As I suspected, we haven't talked much. Just the occasional awkward run in when we both come out of our rooms at the same time, or any other time we see each other around the house. I preferred the constant arguing to this. Of course we have to put on a show from time to time and "fight" so the rest of the family doesn't know something's up. It's weird how now "hating" each other feels foreign and I'd rather be having meaningful conversations, it used to be the other way around.

We sit quietly at the dinner table while my mom brings food over.

"What a beautiful job you did honey!" George gushes as he pulls my mom down for a kiss. She laughs and fake screams as he pulls her onto his lap. They look so happy. A pang of guilt rushes through me, knowing I might be responsible for their broken hearts one day. Derek knows what I'm thinking and he gives me a sincere look through his brown eyes. My mind takes me back to our weekend. I remember how close we laid in bed together and how I got to stare at him for as long as I wanted and touch his face. I would give anything for that again.

Tonight I just can't fake my way through dinner. I don't have the energy to pretend to hate Derek, so I sit silently at my end of the table. Fortunately Marti has lots of stories from school today that kept everyone's attention off me for a while. However, it is short lived.

"Casey, how's Max? I haven't seen him around." My mom asks.

"Oh that's cause I broke up with him." I didn't mean for it to come out so nonchalant, they didn't need to know how little I cared.

"Oh my god! Casey! Why didn't you tell me? I'm so sorry honey are you okay?" my mom is more upset about this than I was.

"Oh, yeah. It was a long time coming. Really I'm fine." I say with a smile.

"Yeah he wasn't the right guy for you." Derek pipes up. And only I know what he means.

I finally finish and excuse myself stating that I have homework to do. I meet Derek's eyes before getting up from the table and heading up to my room.

Later that night I hear a knock at my door, and just like every time there is a knock at my door my stomach jumps at the thought that it might be Derek.

"Come in" I say, holding my breath.

I'm slightly disappointed/slightly relieved to see Lizzie walk in my room.

"Oh hey Liz, what's up?"

She shuts the door and sits beside me on my bed. I guess I haven't noticed lately, but she looks so much older all of a sudden. I guess she's fourteen now and that's to be expected.

"Are you ok?" she asks, clearly concerned.

"Of course I'm ok, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, Max maybe. Something's bothering you."

"Ha ha it's not Max, really. I'm fine about that."

"Then what is it?" she's not letting up.

I take a deep breath in and out but don't say anything. Because there's no way I could ever tell her what's really wrong.

"Come on, I'm your sister, you can tell me anything."

_No I can't, not everything. Wouldn't want to scar your virgin ears with my 'is it incest or isn't it incest' love problems. _I try to think of a different way of wording it, since clearly she knows I have something to say.

"It's just…I have feelings for someone." I finally say.

"Ok, so what's the problem? He doesn't like you back?"

I try to not get offended that that's what she assumes right away.

"No it's not that. It's just… if we ever- um him and I…other people would get hurt."

"How would other people get hurt?"

"It's just _very very _complicated."

"I'm sure it doesn't have to be. How do you feel about him?"

"I'm not even sure about that either really. I try not to let me mind go there very often."

"Tell me." She says. _This girl is nothing if not persistent. _

"Umm I don't know" I laugh blowing off her question. But then I try to really think about what I feel when I'm with him. "I …I like the way I feel, when he looks at me." I look down at my bed and my mind drifts off. "You know, like…I'm safe. It's like I don't care about anything else, just as long as he always looks at me like that." I come back to reality and realize I'm saying all this to my fourteen year old sister…and it's about her step brother. I stop talking before I say too much.

"Casey…it sounds like you love him."

"Whoa" I laugh. "Let's not get crazy." That thought kind of terrifies me, and I push it out of my mind before I even give it anymore thought. I thank Lizzie for the talk and say goodnight.

I toss and turn in my bed until midnight. My mind racing with thoughts of the brown eyed, curly headed boy in the room next to me. I think about how this house dynamic finally runs like a fully functioning family after my mom and George merged households when they got married; and how all that would be torn to pieces if Derek and I told them. How can we ruin this family? It's so selfish of us. I'm still not ready to have any more talks with Derek but I can't handle this not speaking anymore. I want more of what we had in the hotel. There's no balance; I don't want to ruin the family and crush my mom and George, yet I do want to get closer to Derek. Totally contradicting myself. I pull my cover over my head and groan into it. _Maybe you could get closer to Derek when no one is around and just play it by ear? _My inner self is a menace…but the idea is appealing to me. I readjust my pillows and stare at the clock, right now I just want to sleep.

The next day I take my seat in history class next to Emily. Things seem to be better with us these last couple days, I guess best friends go through weird times too.

"This classroom smells disgusting" she says as she crinkles her nose. "I swear its Mr. Hyde, you can smell this class from down the hall!" We both laugh until Mr. Hyde walks in seconds later. He must be about 40 years old, I don't think he ever bathes, and his hair is always pushed back with grease. He runs his hand through his black slicked back hair and Emily and I make a face at each other. He starts to take attendance and it isn't until he gets to Derek's name that I realize he's not here.

"Mr. Venturi…Mr. Venturi?" Hyde looks around the room.

"Casey, do you know where your brother is?"

_Oh god don't call him that. _"Step brother. And, no…I don't know where he is."

Emily leans over to me looking concerned. In fact a lot of the class is looking at me. I'm clearly missing something.

"Did no one tell you?" Emily whispers.

"Tell me what?" I whisper back.

"Derek and Max got in a fight in the locker room after gym."

"What?! About what?"

"From what I hear, Max said some 'not nice things' about you and Derek just went for him."

"Oh my God." I lean back in my chair.

The thought of Derek standing up for me sent butterflies through my stomach. But I can't help but worry at the same time. Max is pretty big, and I know he has quite the temper on him. I just hope Derek is ok. The more I think about it, the more worried I am. _Oh god, he could have a broken nose or missing teeth or something, and it's because of me. _I assume Derek got sent home for the day, and I just can't sit through Hyde's class. So in a totally un-Casey like move I decide to ditch school early.

I finally pull in the drive way and feel nervous about what I might be walking in to. At least no one else is home, so we can talk freely. I get in the house and drop my stuff at the door and head up the stairs. I get to Derek's door and hesitate before I do anything. I'm scared of what he'll say, or what I'll see. I don't want to see him hurt. But I take a deep breath and knock on the door anyway.

"Come in?" He sounds confused as he expected no one would be home for a while.

I open the door and see him sitting on his bed. I shut the door behind me and walk over to him. The damage isn't as bad as I pictured in my head.

"Casey I-"

Before he can explain I find myself straddling his lap and leaning back to inspect his face. I take his head in my hands and move it up and down and side to side, all my nervousness from before has vanished as all I can focus on are his injuries.

"Case what are you-"

"Shh."

I quiet him so I can finish my investigation. He has a split lip and a black eye. Also some bruising on his jaw. I finally meet his eyes and push some curls off his forehead. He's looking at me the way I love, I can feel my throat getting dry and the heavy beating of my heart. His eyes don't leave mine as move his hair one last time.

"What were you thinking?" I whisper, looking down at my hands that are now playing with some of the loose material of his t shirt.

"I was thinking that Max is a prick who said some bad things about you, and he deserved what he got."

I take a deep breath, eyes not leaving my hands.

"You're mad aren't you. Well, be mad. I'd do it again." He says falling back onto his pillow out of my grasp. I just now realize that I'm still sitting on his hips with my legs on either side of him but I'm surprisingly not uncomfortable about it.

My thoughts from the night before come to the front of my mind. _Get closer to Derek when you're alone. _This is one of the rare moments we'll get to be alone seeing as how we're both home from school early, and I decide to be ballsy and take advantage of it. I lean forward putting my head on his chest just under his chin. Again he is surprised by my actions because he hesitates for a second before putting one arm around my waist and another on my head to run through my hair. This is the feeling I was telling Lizzie about. The warmth from his chest on my cheek makes me feel safe and protected.

"I'm not mad." I whisper.

We don't talk anymore. We don't need to. I just want to enjoy this moment in the short time we have before anyone else gets home.

Authors note

Hi guys! So sorry it took me almost a week to update. It was my birthday and stuff so I had a lot of family stuff to do. Anyways I hope you liked this chapter PLEASE let me know what you think. You guys have been amazing so far with all of your wonderful reviews. I love reading them! Just FYI I do plan on making this quite long so that's why its moving kind of slowly lol a few of you have asked so I thought I'd let you know :)


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